


My Heart, My Soul

by JinxedWolf



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Family, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:01:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedWolf/pseuds/JinxedWolf
Summary: If Ichimaru Gin had lived and succeeded in killing Aizen. Happy ending because I love Gin.I don't own Bleach, I ain't got the brains to make that stuff up.
Relationships: Ichimaru Gin/Matsumoto Rangiku
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. Bond

"Gin... Gin...!" She couldn't help the hot tears that ran down her lovely face. He wasn't moving. He wasn't _moving_! 

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho! Back away from the traitor!" 

He couldn't die. He couldn't. 

"Everyone, prepare for level 9 surgery."

"Unohana-taicho?! He's a traitor to Soul Society! We should let him die--!" 

"Fifth Seat Yukimura Haruko. Whatever he may be, we will try to save him because we are healers. And, the captain-commander may want him alive, therefore we will keep him alive." 

"...Yes, ma'am." 

"Taicho, he's lost so much blood already." 

"Isane, please restrain Matsumoto-fukutaicho so we may work." 

Rangiku felt herself be pulled away by the other lieutenant, eyes fixed on Gin. 

He couldn't die. He still had to answer her questions, honestly for once, he still had to explain himself, she still had to hit him and yell at him. She wasn't ready to lose him.

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho, please stay back!" Isane wrapped her arms around her friend's middle in an attempt to comfort her and turn her away.

The cool green glow of healing kido had enveloped him, working to restore his spiritual energy. 

Isane looked on anxiously. There was what can hardly be called a sliver of his reiatsu left.

She had been by Unohana's side long enough to know that even with her captain's incredible abilities, Ichimaru will not survive.

Isane wasn't particularly emotional about that, but judging by Rangiku's behavior now, how would she react to Ichimaru's death? 

But then again, Unohana probably wouldn't try unless she thought there was some chance, however small it may be.

The 4th Division's lieutenant herself was shocked at the other lieutenant's tears. Even though she wasn't much younger than Rangiku, she still looked up to the blonde as an older-sister figure as several others in the Gotei 13 did. 

In all the time she had known her, Isane had never seen Rangiku cry.

Sadness didn't suit Rangiku; the strawberry-blonde never failed to have fun or be a good friend, she was proud and strategic and sensitive to others' feelings, as bright as a sunflower.

When the betrayal occurred, Isane assumed Rangiku had perceived it as their friendship forsaken and meaningless. Ichimaru-taicho was now an enemy of Soul Society, and by extension, her. 

The young gray-haired woman shook her head. Now was not the time to be contemplating this.

She was a healer and right now there was a person in her care who required healing.

On that line of thought, Isane tugged Rangiku away from the scene, behind a corner of a half-destroyed building.

There 4th's lieutenant began administering kido to the barely-healed wounds inflicted by Halibel's Fraccion.

It was a wonder Rangiku had made it here at all; her organs were all but falling out.

"Rangiku-san...?" Isane said hesitantly as the woman grew quiet.

She had stopped crying, but the sad expression didn't change. After a long moment of staring at nothing, she spoke.

"What the _hell_ happened?" 

Isane opened her mouth, but was at a loss for words. Rangiku was talking about this person like a cherished friend, not like a traitor who'd been helping in the attempt to destroy the Soul Society. 

"Never tells me... Never tells me where he's going or when he's going to be back, but he always comes back. Always. I'm...afraid Unohana-taicho won't be able to..."

Her lip wobbled and her eyes narrowed, in holding back the tears or frustration, Isane didn't know.

Naturally, she wanted to comfort her friend, but one, she wasn't even sure Ichimaru would live. Two, she didn't particularly _want_ the man to live either which probably wouldn't be a very useful thing to say here.

Isane had heard Rangiku and Ichimaru were childhood friends and lived together in the Rukongai when they were children, but since they never hung out or gave much indication of a close relationship, she thought that perhaps that was as far as it went in the present - sentiment. 

Obviously not.

Isane told herself she shouldn't be straying from the current situation, but her curiosity popped the question in her mind, in reality how strong was their bond? What even was their relationship?


	2. Mystery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war was over, but there are still many questions to be answered. The fate of the only person who can answer them is unknown.

Matsumoto Rangiku sat on a slab of broken pavement, watching the still form of her childhood friend, illuminated by the green kido from Unohana's hands. 

She wanted to rush to his side. As if calling out to him would make him wake up and be okay.

But she reined in her emotional impulses and sat in the shadow of the broken building.

"Matsumoto-san!" 

The lieutenant broke her stare away from Ichimaru Gin, and saw in surprise, Lieutenant Kira Izuru, walking up to her from the opposite direction. 

"Kira!" She mustered a smile. He looked like shit, but otherwise was fine. "What are you doing here?"

"I saw you when you were going after Aizen after they left. You were barely healed...so I followed you. To try to provide some kind of backup..." Kira glanced away briefly.

"Oh." Rangiku frowned her comrade. There was something he wasn't telling her. "Is everyone okay? Hinamori?" 

"Yeah, yeah, they're okay. Hinamori-kun is being healed right now." Kira shifted uncomfortably, then gestured in the 4th Division's direction.

"Is he...going to be okay?" 

"I..." she wanted to say _I hope so_ , "...don't know."

She refocused on Kira. He was fidgeting and hesitating. What was it that was bothering him? Was it the fact Gin was being healed? Did Kira hate him or was he relieved? Or did he simply have conflicting and confusing feelings like she did? 

Even though she had gotten word that Aizen was truly gone, no one knew exactly how or what happened except Gin. 

And since Gin is barely alive and Aizen is gone, it is only logical to assume Gin is responsible for Aizen's sealing. 

But how? How was he able to do it? 

"Kira," Rangiku spoke up suddenly. A suspicion was rising in her mind. "You say you followed me but you weren't there when I woke up. Did you see...?" 

The expression on his face told her everything. So that was what was bothering him. 

Rangiku rose to her feet. What he saw could be vital as to what punishment Gin would receive. If he recovered, but she tried not to think about that possibility. The 4th Division's given her far too much hope for her own good. 

"Kira, did you see Gin attack Aizen?" 

The blond stared at her. "Yes."

"What happened?" 

"Ichimaru...he stabbed Aizen in the chest...and then talked about his Bankai. I didn't catch all of what he said, but he did say something about poison."

"Poison?" So far as Rangiku knew, Gin's Bankai was similar to his Shikai, but longer and faster. There had been no reports about poison. 

_"He's a snake, that's what he is."_

Once Gin betrayed the Soul Society, people insulted him openly. Among other things, "snake" was a popular description.

So the snake had poison.

It made Rangiku uneasy, as illogical as it was, because it fit perfectly. 

But she could dwell about that later. "And then?"

Kira's visible eye drifted to the ground. "Ichimaru's...been doing this for decades." 

_What?!_

"You mean he's been plotting against Aizen _all this time_?" 

The revelation brought her even more confusion, but a tiny bit of hope.

If that were true... 

But why? Where's the motive? 

"So he didn't...he didn't really betray us...did he?"

"I've been asking myself that same question," Kira whispered.

Was Gin ever loyal to the Soul Society? After all, you can't betray what you were never loyal to. 

Or did Gin figure out Aizen early on? But then why didn't he go to the Onmitsukido or Yamamoto? Why did he do it all by himself?

Was he ever loyal to anyone at all? 

* * *

"He has stabilized." 

Those three words snapped Rangiku and Kira out of their silent reverie faster than Yoruichi's shunpo. 

"I don't know when he will wake up or if he will wake up at all, but I've done all I can. We will take him back to Soul Society now." 

Rangiku exhaled heavily at the news. "And the Hogyoku?" 

Unohana held out her palm, where the Hogyoku rested, as innocent and still as a marble. "We found it in Ichimaru's hand." 

"I see. Thank you, Unohana-taicho. Thank you."

The 4th division captain nodded, gestured to her squad and left. 

Rangiku rolled her shoulders. She didn't know what to think anymore. If understanding was at the surface of the sea, her feelings lay at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

_Gin..._

A smile and a lie.

Danger draped in silver, doors slammed shut to her. 

She hated it. She hated the hurt he kept bringing her, the lies and facades that kept her in the dark.

But she couldn't walk away from the pain, no matter how much he kept giving to her. She couldn't walk away from him, at least not until she knew the truth.


	3. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So begins the fight to keep him alive.

Ichimaru Gin, former captain of the 3rd Division, was put in a cell with a level 60 barrier in the 4th Divison's barracks/relief center. 

It was agreed that at least one captain and lieutenant would be at the 4th Division along with Unohana and Isane just in case Ichimaru Gin woke up.

His zanpakuto was confiscated, sealed in Unohana's office. 

Rangiku was ordered immediately to a meeting with the other lieutenants, and she sensed all the captains, including Yamamoto-taicho, congregate in the 4th's barracks.

Rangiku met Iba on the way to the meeting and told him what Kira had told her.

Naturally, he reacted the same way she had. "What?!"

All of this already was disorienting. They spent months brooding, despising and preparing to battle with this person and now...

"To think he's been the enemy of Aizen all this time... if that is true, he is much more of a trickster than I thought he was."

Rangiku nodded silently. With this new information, hopefully Gin would get a chance to explain himself before they decided to execute him.

Even though she knew Kira was an honorable person, she also knew the emotional toll it had on Kira when Gin used and betrayed him.

She worried for what this would do to his mental health. 

* * *

Rangiku sat on the stool beside the bed. She spent a good long moment just staring at him. The light from the barrier shaded everything in an orangey glow. Gin breathed shallowly, his form still. No smile on his face.

The lieutenants' meeting had quickly descended into anarchy.

In the place of the lieutenants that were still recovering, their 3rd Seats were there. They were no more happy to hear Kira's report than anyone else was.

_"He could've known you guys were there and said all that stuff so in the case he lived, he wouldn't be sentenced to death!"_

_"Even if that is true, we can't trust that lying, stinking fox-face! What if he turns on us next?"_

_"Are you two on the bastard's side or what?!"_

_"Oh don't be ridiculous!"_

_"Ichimaru probably set this up--!"_

_Rangiku threw her arm out, interrupting the dispute. "Listen to yourselves! He was going against_ Aizen _! Do you really think he expected to survive that encounter?"_

_"Whatever the bastard might have done, he BETRAYED US! So why are you protecting him?" Someone else snarled._

The meeting ended with 1st Division Sasakibe putting a hold on the discussion, allowing he and Kira to deliver this information to the captain-commander. And then, they would wait to see if Ichimaru Gin would wake up and what he had to say about his actions before going further.

So here she was, staring at the object of her frustration in silence.

"I'm starting to feel like I don't know you at all anymore." Rangiku said finally. 

Of course he didn't respond. Rangiku would've slapped him straight across the face if he did, out of shock and anger. 

But talking to him, just like this, was somehow helping to relieve the tension that's been there for months. 

She wanted to touch his face, maybe move his hair around, but she didn't. Her hands curled up into fists instead.

"You're always keeping secrets from me. You're always wearing a mask. Do you know how worried I've been? So many times I've wished you'd just talk to me. Being enemies...wasn't right." She sighed. 

He didn't answer. What a surprise. 

"You're so much trouble." Rangiku rose solemnly. "You better wake up soon before I lose it and start slapping you awake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if anyone seems OOC.


	4. Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very good when it comes to titling things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a tad overdramatic, but the angst seemed good.

It's been four days. 

Rangiku had been told to get lots of bed rest, but since sleep eluded her (and she was in absolutely _no mood_ to do paperwork) she decided to check up her captain and comrades in the 4th Division. 

Hinamori was still unconscious. Everyone else was sleeping to replenish their reiatsu. Hitsugaya, all curled up in his blanket, was quite adorable and the sight brought a smile to her face. 

Rangiku then went to Gin's cell and managed to convince the droopy-eyed guard to get some rest and allow her to take his place. 

Once he was gone, the beautiful shinigami sat in her previous position beside the bed, inside the cell. Gin lay still and barely breathing, just like he was several hours ago. 

She bowed her head, quiet and still for a long time. 

When they were kids everything was much simpler: survive until the next day.

In some ways, Rangiku wished they could back to that time. It was just the two of them and they weren't very well off, but at least it was not so complicated.

_"Gin, it's so tiny. I'm not sure it's going to live."_

They buried what seemed like 20 persimmon seeds before a single one sprouted. 

_"It might. Let's just give it our best, yeah?"_

It was Gin's idea. Older, meaner kids often hung out at the best trash cans, and they rarely let then get away without a couple of bruises and cuts. Looking back on it, those kids that seemed three times bigger at the time were only skinny teenagers.

_"I'm gonna grow a whole garden of persimmons right here. That way we won't hafta walk so far."_

Every time she saw a persimmon, she was reminded of the fact that she would've died if he hadn't handed her that dried persimmon that day. 

_"Hey, Rangiku, what's wrong?"_

_Gin turned to her, his rounded baby face losing its sweet smile. She turned her head away from him, and fixed her eyes on the sapling. It was so tiny and compared to the other big trees around, insignificant. Like her._

_"Well...I'm always relying on you, Gin. It's not fair."_

_"It's alright. I can take care of us."_

_"But I want you to be able to rely on_ me _!" She burst out._

_It was not the responsibility._

_She felt inferior and she didn't like feeling that way. She was insignificant enough to everyone else. Gin was like half of the world to her; he was funny, smart, talented, capable, a good friend who knew when to raise her spirits and never failed to obtain enough food for the both of them._

_She needed him, but he didn't need her._

_"Don't ya worry Rangiku." Gin took her hand, little fingers curling around hers._

_"Gin?"_

_"You're more than enough." Simple, but powerful words._

_She felt weight lift off her shoulders and stood there_ _looking at him, really looking at him as he was, a little boy barely 4 feet wearing an old, dark colored yukata and dirty orange obi, reaffirming to herself that he wasn't a superhuman being. He needed someone too._

_"Ya so sweet, Gin." Touching on his accent caused his smile to reappear._

_"Naw, ya are!"_

_"No, ya!"_

_"Ya are, ya, ya, ya!"_

_She tackled him to the ground and innocent laughter echoed in the small clearing as a result of their goofiness._

_That was the beginning of her learning to feel pride and confidence in herself._

_A hand threaded through her hair in a soothing motion._

_She hoped no one would tramp through here and step on their little tree, robbing it of its chance of be something._

_There it was again, the hand. Comforting._

_The trees began to blur like running paint._

_She wanted to be strong. Wanted them to be safe._

_The sapling slipped away._

Rangiku woke up with a jerk. The first thing she registered was the light. It was late morning.

The second thing she registered was the hand that was really wandering through her hair.

"Rangiku." A voice all too familiar that drew hope and relief and a whole ton of other feelings.

He was sitting up, awake and looking almost surprised to be alive.

"Gin!" She scrambled upright onto her feet, his hand falling from her golden hair. What to ask him first?

He beat her to it. "What are ya doing?" 

"Guarding you obviously." 

"Bein' inside the prisoner's cell and fallin' asleep on 'em ain't what a guard does." He countered with a flicker of his signature grin.

"Are you gonna report me?" 

Their banter faded into silence, and the grin dissipated from his face.

Neither particularly wanted to acknowledge the wall now between them. Unfortunately, in order to get answers Rangiku needed to pound into that wall.

"You managed to kill Aizen." 

He simply looked back at her. Eyes closed, thoughts hidden.

"Is it true you were against him from the start?" 

Silence.

"Why Gin?"

Silence.

"Why?!" She was so fed up with his secrets. "Why did you do it all by yourself? Why did you never tell me or Kira? What was it that made it necessary to do all this? Why had you been trying to kill him for so long?"

"Never liked him." Gin shrugged, shifty grin returning to his face. "He talked way too much, don't ya think?" 

"That's not an answer." 

"It doesn't matter," he held up his hands lightheartedly. "I'm goin' to be executed anyway. I don't think Yamamoto-taicho likes me."

Was that all he could do in his situation, _jest_?

"Kira heard you. Why are you pretending it doesn't matter?" 

"Oh, Izuru. He's tryin' too hard, as usual. He wants ta think I had no choice but to betray him, wants me to be a hero, is that it?" Gin's grin widened into something sinister. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disappoint him." 

"Gin! Answer me! You owe me that. Not only me, you owe Kira that too--"

"No, I don't." 

Rangiku narrowed her eyes as ire slipped into her voice. " _Enough_." 

Her statement and the steely air that followed led to his grin dropping a fraction. 

"You're always shutting me out, always keeping me in the dark and I'm done with it. I know and you know I deserve an answer. Just talk to me so I won't have to lose you again." 

"You already have," he said matter-of-factly.

"What? What do you mean?" 

"Rangiku, let me go." 

She blinked. If his words didn't catch her off guard, his bluntness did. "What are you saying? Don't you want to live?" 

He didn't reply for a long time, but she waited for him to collect his words. 

His expression reminded her of when he was being lifted off by the Menos. And when Gin spoke his voice was no longer playful and mocking.

"If you became a snake tomorrow and began devouring humans...then with that same mouth you cried out to me, "I love you!" Would I still be able to say "I love you"...the way I can today?" 

Of course he had known what he was getting into. He didn't expect her to care about him like he was still the boy who saved her life when they were kids. Because that boy was gone. 

"I am a snake," Gin stood up for the first time. "That's what I've been since the moment I decided to kill Aizen. Rangiku...The last thing I wanted was to make ya cry again. You are a good person and ya have friends who care 'bout you a lot. The things I've done... I don't regret any of 'em. But I know that won't do with ya. You can try to turn me good and give me friends, but it won't work because of who I am. Even Izuru will never forget how I betrayed him." 

_Take your life and leave me._

"Give me the chance and I'll destroy you. Just let me go, Rangiku. Let me go." 

"Gin..." He was actually honest with her, for once. Too bad the moment couldn't have been happier. 

"I am not..." She says resolutely, "going to forsake you. Tell me. Why did you do all this?" 

Gin lowered his gaze from hers and as the silence stretched on, it became clear he would not reply.

Frustration built up in the lieutenant's throat.

Even if the new Central 46 did not issue a death sentence, which was in all honesty, unlikely, there was still a chance. 

He just wasn't taking it. 

_"If, tomorrow, you became a snake..."_

Why did you become a snake in the first place?

Rangiku turned and walked out of the cell. Not because of a lack of things to say, but because she needed to collect her thoughts.

The brightly lit halls of the 4th Division was a complete contrast to her thoughts. 

Okay, maybe a good and sensible lieutenant would never fall asleep in the immediate vicinity of an official enemy but hey, she's not dead so who needs to know about it?

Gin was being so damn mysterious, she was going to kill him herself. Just talk to her, damn it, how hard can that be? She might as well be trying to get Byakuya drunk.

"Matsumoto." 

Seriously. It was NOT difficult. Open the mouth, get one word out, then another, then another. People do it all the time! At this point, Rangiku was gonna tie him to a chair and dangle him off Sokyoku Hill all night and all day until he talked to her!

"Matsumoto." 

This death wish just wasn't like Gin. Bringing Kira up made less sense because Kira is the type to forgive (although, again, Gin's motive is also a big part of that). And everyone in the Soul Society hardly trusted him before his betrayal anyway. Gin never cared about it. So what--

"MATSUMOTO!" 

Rangiku jumped so high she practically bonked her head on the ceiling. "Oh, taicho! You're up and about already?" 

Her little captain stood with his arms crossed, looking cold and annoyed, as per usual. Well, his cute napping face was nice while it lasted.

Rangiku blinked. "? Your foot and your arm is reattached! Did Unohana-taicho do that?" 

"Inoue did... Why do you look so gloomy, Matsumoto?" 

"Oh," Rangiku's narrowed eyes drifted to the side. "Gin woke up." 

Hitsugaya uncrossed his arms. "What did he say?" 

"Hm. A lot of things. But when I asked him if and why he was against Aizen from the beginning, he didn't tell me. He just named himself a snake and said to let him go."

"Let him _die_?" 

Rangiku nodded, frustration welling up again. "I might as well have been talking to a wall; he wouldn't budge one bit." 

"Hmm. A snake, huh..." Hitsugaya thought to himself for a moment, before returning focus to his lieutenant. "Matsumoto. Are you going to fight for him?" 

* * *

Ichimaru Gin lay on his back in the cell. 

A thin bar of sunlight was let in by an even thinner window. 

It's nice to see the sunlight, even from in here. It was starting to shrink, though. Sunset must be near.

The silver-haired man was surprised, to say the least, that his wounds had been tended to. They did something to his spiritual power, sealed it like the way they did when shinigami went into the World of the Living so it was going to take longer to heal.

The World of the Living. Why not think about the first time he died when he was going to die again?

Gin couldn't remember anything from it, or how he died. But he did remember his mother. 

She had the same long, slender wrists and fingers he had. Left-handed. There was a small scar on her lip that pulled when she smiled. 

She tried her best to teach him how to fend for himself, grow and learn, and even when he messed up, she never got angry at him. He loved that about her. He didn't need anyone else but her.

It bothered her a lot, the way they lived. She wanted him to be happy so much, but there was so little she could give him. Keep smiling, she said. Whatever happens, keep smiling.

And he had, even after she died. 

He smiled, and kept smiling and smiling. 

It was a hot summer day she died. She rationed what they had, and then they were starving. She was desperate, and stole some food to feed the two of them. 

The people who killed her was a man and a woman. Once they caught up with her, they killed her.

In his sorrow, Gin's spiritual power broke out and destroyed everything in its wake without control.

They died quickly. Gin didn't remember their faces.

Even then, there was blood on his face and he smiled.

 _Would you be disappointed in me,_ _Mother_ _?_

_The only thing I'm disappointed 'bout is that I made Rangiku cry._

_Ya said to keep smiling, but I don't think I took it the right way._

He chuckled softly to himself without any real mirth.

"What's so funny?" 

A shinigami stands at the door of the room containing the cell.

Orange hair. Perpetual frown. A sword of his height on his back.

"Kurosaki Ichigo." 


	5. The Ichigo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was much too bright for his darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I had a writing block. I hope you guys like it!

“Hey you. Let this down for a second.”

The guard protested, “But the traitor—”

Ichigo grabbed the shinigami by the front of his shihakusho. “Hurry up and do it! I want to talk to this guy face-to-face!”

“H-hai...” Reluctantly, the guard lowered the barrier for a moment, allowing Ichigo to step inside.

“Yo.”

Gin’s signature smile widened. Kurosaki really was a strange kid. “Now what would you be doin’ here, visitin’ me?”

“I heard you were the one who managed to get rid of Aizen, using your Bankai,” Ichigo said, as straightforward as ever. “Why did you do it? Weren’t you on his side?”

“Oh, I got tired of the white outfit. It didn’t show off my figure quite right.”

Ichigo’s eyes narrowed more, if that was possible. “So you're just going to let them execute you.”

Gin shrugged in an unconcerned manner. “What else is there to do?”

“You know what! Tell Central 46 and everyone else the truth! While you are just sitting here in this cell, Kira and Rangiku-san are fighting for you! They still want you to stay after everything you put them through and you’re just gonna turn your back on them?” Ichigo shouted. 

“...Are you serious?” Gin’s voice was full of derision.

“What?”

“Ya make it sound like there is a point to their fightin’, like they can actually save me. What those two really want is to be able to believe I’m some sorta hero, ’cause that will make their pain more bearable. How disappointing,” the snake’s smile turned malevolent. “My, my, all that misguided faith is no good.” 

“How can you say that?” Ichigo said in disbelief. “If you don’t give a damn about them, then why the hell didn’t you kill Rangiku-san in fake Karakura town?”

“I didn’t want her to die ’fore me. How ever could she witness the destruction of the Soul Society then?”

“Shut up! Enough of your bullshit!” Ichigo roared vehemently. “Damn it, why are you pushing them away? Weren’t you doing this because of Rangiku-san? Don’t you, don’t you love her?!”

“...Because o’ Rangiku’? Is that the only explanation a desperate an’ pitiful dog like Izuru could accept?” The snake replied simply, grinning.

“You expect me to believe there’s no one in your heart?” Judging by his glare, Ichigo had noticed that Gin did not answer his question as to whether or not he loved the Squad 10 lieutenant.

“You didn’t go through this whole thing with no motive. Whatever bullshit you spring up doesn’t change the fact that you saved Rangiku-san from Aizen! Don’t go around deciding what’s good for her and what isn’t! If she wants you in her life, then be in her life, DAMN IT!”

The explosive shinigami kicked Gin into the wall.

“Jeez. I don’t claim to know you, but you don’t strike me as the type to give up. I know what I saw on Rangiku-san’s face when she was crying over your body. Whatever your reasons are for being a damn bastard, don’t just throw something like that away, you idiot!”

“...I was right. You are such a creepy kid.”

“Argh. Don’t start on that again,” Ichigo grumped and stepped out of the cell, the barrier going back up immediately.

“One other thing,” he looked over his shoulder with his usual bad-tempered expression. “When we fought in the fake Karakura town...the things you said made me to surrender to my fear. For a moment, I believed that it was already all over. That no matter what we did, we couldn’t defeat Aizen... But in the end, it was because of that despair that I was able to get stronger. Was that what you meant to do all along?”

Silence.

Ichigo was beginning to think he wouldn’t respond when the latter shrugged his shoulders dramatically. “Who knows?”

The orange-haired teenager’s following expression was most accurately described as =_= 

“Typical. You’re so annoying.”

“Ah-ah, that’s so mean Kurosaki-kun! By the way, how did ya find out ’bout mine and Rangiku’s conversation so quickly?”

“Huh? Oh,” Ichigo looked up to the ceiling. 

“Rangiku-san told Toshiro, Toshiro told Kira, Kira told Hisagi, Hisagi told Renji and Renji told me.”

Gin's smile turned amused. “I see.”

Ichigo turned to leave the room. “Ichimaru... Rangiku-san really does care about you. Don’t hurt her any more than you already have.”

* * *

After Ichigo departed, Gin lay on his back staring at the ceiling. 

What was left to think about? 

Gin had made a choice a long time ago to be Rangiku’s revenge. He knew the consequences of that choice and where it would lead him. It was long since decided that as long as Rangiku was okay, whatever suffering he had would stay silent. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to succeed in killing Aizen, short of physically hurting or breaking Rangiku.

It had been like that for over a hundred years. And he kept it all from her so she could live as carefree as possible.

Now Aizen was gone. Gin had accomplished the goal he devoted his life to so what was wrong with dying? 

Her beauty was not for him. She was much too bright for his darkness. She could try to turn him into a good person, but there was not enough good in him left. There was no changing who he was. 

He would only bring her hardship. She'd lose trust and respect in the Seireitei. Her relationship with her comrades and her captain would shatter. 

Rangiku did not deserve that in her future. 

Gin ought to make her hate him, make her wish she never met him. That way his death would be easier to get over. 

Even though it was _her_ life, there were years in the Rukongai where it was felt they shared one heart, one body. If he was starving, she was too. If he was cold, she was too. All they had was each other. He was invisible to the rest of the world, but he had a place by her side. Their bond was unquestionable. 

_“Don’t just throw something like that away, you idiot!”_

Ichigo's fierce expression came to mind. 

_“Don’t you, don’t you love her?!”_

That was the cause of his dilemma. He should let her go, let himself go, let everything go that's been a burden to her. The prospect of dying seemed so much easier, for the both of them.

Gin let out a quiet exhale, what could barely be called a sigh. 

_Really, Kurosaki-kun..._

* * *

“Kuchiki-san! Mind if I walk with you?” 

“Inoue! Oh—not at all,” Rukia paused so the other girl could catch up before resuming her pace. The teenager was wearing a flowy new shirt Rukia hadn't seen before, yellow flowery designs over light pink. "Did Ishida make that?” 

“Yeah! Isn’t it pretty?” Inoue gave a little twirl. "Ishida-kun made something for each of us as a sort of congratulations for surviving our battles.” 

“Is that so? Anyway, it looks great on you.” 

“Thanks!” The human girl then looked around with a content smile at the relieved faces all around. “Everyone is so happy the war is over.” 

“Yeah. However, many people are sad too. This war has been really difficult.” Rukia recalled the shinigamis she passed who looked so downcast with red eyes, then shook her head. “I’m sorry to sound so gloomy, Inoue. I didn’t mean to ruin your mood.” 

Inoue shook her head and smiled again, but more somberly. “No, you’re right. We should remember those people. Oh—by the way, Kuchiki-san, did you hear about that man, um, Ichimaru?” 

“Oh. Oh, yeah I did.” Rukia said somewhat uncomfortably. “The new Central 46 decided that if he wasn’t going to come forward with a statement explaining his actions, then they would commence with the execution in three days.” 

“But,” Inoue protested in a crestfallen voice, “but what his lieutenant heard... ”

“It’s not going to be enough by itself. Because of the known extent of Kira-fukutaicho’s loyalty, his testimony is questionable. There are not many who believe what he says, and from what I’ve heard, Ichimaru himself has not confirmed or denied anything. And it looks like he is not going to say anything either,” Rukia lifted her eyes to the sky. 

She never liked Ichimaru Gin. And if what Lieutenant Kira overheard were true, then he was a very good actor.

But personally she didn’t believe it herself. While she could not say she knew Lieutenant Matsumoto very well, the idea that Ichimaru Gin had been double-crossing Aizen all the while for Matsumoto seemed, if not unlikely, far-fetched. 

It was hard to even consider it, especially when Rukia remembered how he destroyed her resolve when she was the one to be executed.

He was heartless. Cruel. Poisonous. 

“To stand up for someone like that is _not_ a wise action for Kira-fukutaicho...” Rukia sighed. 

“Maybe not.” Orihime said softly. “But, you know, Rangiku-san talked to me about it. Ichimaru-san saved her from starving to death when she was a child in the Rukongai. They were very close, but then they grew apart when they entered the Shin’o Academy. And that made Rangiku-san very sad. I think... I think if Ichimaru-san means that much to Rangiku-san, even now, then there must be more to him than we can see.”

Rukia's eyes widened. “Inoue... Careful, Inoue. That man is not to be trusted.” 

Even as she said those words, Rukia realized Inoue was right. 

He did injure her brother while trying to kill her, but from an objective point of view, how could she know who Ichimaru truly was when she herself never dared to look beyond the surface? How could she distrust any rumor of him that didn’t match her own perception when she knew so little about the man? 

_No one is completely evil or completely good._

That line of thought reminded Rukia of Sir Kaien.

Back then, she had killed a comrade and a friend. And just recently, she fought the Arrancar who wore his face, Aaroniero Arruruerie. 

Even though she had very nearly died, the immense pride Rukia felt at defeating one of the Espada was worth being run through by a spear. 

It was Sir Kaien’s words that made her raise her sword for the final dance, words she’ll never forget. 

_“We entrust our hearts to our friends.”_

“Our hearts...”

“Kuchiki-san?” Inoue questioned. 

“Oh... It’s nothing.” Rukia murmured as she looked up to the sky.

_Rangiku-san, has Ichimaru entrusted you with his heart?_


	6. Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira turns Christmas colors.

As Lieutenant Kira of Squad 3 walked through their barracks, he received many looks of contempt.

The blond therefore focused his gaze directly ahead, trying to ignore it. He had been leading his squad ever since the beginning of the Winter War, and he didn’t need to confirm what they thought.

Upon arriving at the office, Kira found a fellow lieutenant there looking out the window. “Hinamori-kun?” 

She smiled, and certainly looked better, but nevertheless Kira instinctively prepared himself for a disagreement. He hadn’t spoken to her ever since officially reporting learning of his captain’s decades-long deceit and frankly...

“Hi Kira-kun. I brought some forms I need you to sign.”

She handed the papers he hadn’t noticed she’d been holding and blinked as he skimmed over their contents. “Three members of the squad are requesting transfer to the 5th...?”

“Yes.” Something in her voice caused Kira to look up. Looks like his apprehension wasn’t unwarranted.

From the look in her eyes it was clear that she was making a point to him which definitely reaffirmed something she agreed strongly to. He could almost call it gloating, except Hinamori did not gloat. 

“I see,” Kira appeared indifferent and strode over to his desk to sign the papers. “Here you are.”

Handing the now signed papers back, he asked, “Is that all, Hinamori-fukutaicho?”

She flinched slightly at the formal address of her name. “Kira-kun...I want to tell you as a friend... What you’re trying to do is casting a negative light on you. There’s not much you can do anyway. And I expect once Ichimaru is executed, more of your squad will leave.”

“Hinamori-kun... He is my captain.” That should be explanation enough, especially lieutenant to lieutenant.

Instead Kira was taken aback by the spite in Hinamori’s response. “He is _not_ your captain anymore! Have you forgotten how he used you like a toy and then threw you away? He doesn’t deserve your loyalty at all!”

“H-Hinamori-kun...” Kira’s throat constricted, but he cleared it. “Thank you for your concern, but my mind is made up. So if that’s all, I have work to attend to.”

Hinamori puffed out a breath of air and stared disbelievingly at the other lieutenant before marching out of the office without another word.

Kira stood there, staring at the empty doorway for a long time. Her mental state hadn’t improved in the slightest. In fact, this thing with Ichimaru might’ve done the opposite for her.

He sighed and wondered what to do. Hinamori was angry at him now and until the question of Ichimaru’s fate was resolved, there wasn’t anything he could do to placate her anger.

And he had enough on his plate at the moment. His recent actions had made him quite the topic of gossip and scornful looks. Other than his close friends, it was widely believed he had made up the double-crossing story because he was just _that_ dependent on Ichimaru.

But if he was perfectly honest with himself...some part of him deep down asked the same question Hinamori asked.

His captain had abandoned him, which was the unspoken rule that captains were never supposed to break. Because their subordinates trusted their judgment to lead them, trusted them with their very own lives.

How pitiful he was for ever believing, or even hoping, his captain gave a damn about him.

Could Kira really just forget that his captain toyed with his emotions and used him for his own agenda? That Hinamori had almost died and his captain had lied to him when he promised her safety?

“Kira?”

The blond blinked out of his reverie and realized Rangiku stood in the doorway. “Matsumoto-san! Can I help you?”

“Yes. Try this!” The woman shoved something mushy into his mouth before he got a chance to see it properly.

“Ah—!” Kira’s face burned tomato-red as whatever it was went down his throat. Smoke seeped out of his mouth and he went straight into Survival Mode, diving for the first glass of water he saw and nearly splashing his clothes.

“M-Matsumoto-san!!” Kira coughed so hard he thought half his lung would come up. “Wha—what was that...”

“My latest creation! What do you think?”

“ _Are you trying to kill me_?!”

“Now, now, no need to screech,” Rangiku admonished as she moved into the room.

She waited for him to stop coughing and the volcano that was his mouth to cool down.

“You haven’t gone to see Ichimaru yet.”

“Oh, well... I’m not sure what I would say to him.” Kira said truthfully, eyes drifting towards the desk where his captain had sat at for years on end.

He was still the same. Rangiku must be disgusted; she’d expressed her fury at his captain as it was due, on more than one occasion, but he had not. He never had the guts to stand up to his captain and he still didn’t. When they drank, all he wanted was to believe the betrayal was one horrible nightmare.

“Hey,” Rangiku’s hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up to meet her kind eyes. “You are allowed to be angry with him, Kira. You are. Bottling up your feelings will not get you anywhere.” 

The blond pressed his lips together and bowed his head, knowing how weak his expression must look. “Matsumoto-san...”

She smiled and gently thumped his shoulder. Then she headed for the door, calling cheerily over her shoulder, “Oh, by the way, what I gave you was watermelon dipped in salsa curry!”

Kira’s sense of comfort disappeared as fast as his eye popped to the size of his head. He turned green as his stomach announced its troubles with a telltale rumble. “...Shit.”

* * *

Kyoraku sat with his old buddy, Ukitake. As usual, the former was drinking sake and the latter tea.

They could faintly hear Lieutenant Ise issuing commands to the squad members outside the barracks. Other than that, it was a relatively peaceful day.

“Ukitake...” The 8th Squad captain said nonchalantly, “I just thought of something.”

“What is it?”

“Ichimaru’s zanpakuto, Shinso. It means ‘God Spear,’ doesn’t it?”

“Now that I think about it, yes.”

“Mmm. But his Bankai, Kamishini no Yari, means ‘God- _Killing_ Spear’. Intriguing, isn’t it?” Kyoraku dipped his head as he raised his sake cup to his lips, his straw hat covering his eyes.

“By the way, what do you think of the situation happening with Ichimaru, Ukitake?”

The other’s thoughtful gaze shifted the world outside beyond the open doors. “Hmm... Those two lieutenants are fighting hard. Sadly, it doesn’t look like they can keep him from being executed. All it’s doing so far is casting a bad light on them.”

Kyoraku watched his friend’s face from over the rim of his cup with semi-open eyes. “Do you believe them?”

The breeze picked up, played with long white hair like a child with no worries.

The birds flew by, singing their song, soaring towards the sun. It was quiet. Nanao’s voice had faded and Ukitake’s answer was as clear as the bird song.

“I do.”

_Cruel and cold, like winds on the sea_

_Will you ever return to me?_

_Hear my voice_

_Sing with the tide_

_My love will never die..._

Steady footsteps advanced on the Seireitei’s gray stone walkways. A solemn face that focused on the task at hand, as was his duty as a mature, responsible, and productive member of the Soul Society. Not even Hollows could derail him from his duties—

“OUCH!”

“Hisa-Hisa!” A certain pink-haired devil cried happily from his shoulders as she pulled his hair from his scalp.

Hisagi yelped in agony, “Kusajishi-fukutaicho! Please release me!” 

Thank Kami, she did. “Hisa-Hisa, why is your hair always so spiky?” Her eyes narrowed accusingly. “Are you trying to copy Ken-chan, Hisa-Hisa?”

“No, Kusajishi-fukutaicho! Please, I promise you I was born with these spikes!”

The little girl giggled, now walloping his head all too playfully.

Hisagi resisted the urge to sigh in the face of her childishness. “Is there something you require of me?”

“Hm,” the juvenile lieutenant opened her eyes, which were serious. “Hisa-Hisa, you don’t like Foxy-face do you?”

Hisagi’s mouth dropped open. “He is a traitor, Kusajishi-fukutaicho. He worked for Aizen—” 

“Foxy-face did it for Big-Breasts! He’s secretly a hopeless romantic!” Yachiru chattered.

“K-Kusajishi...”

“Ken-chan never got to fight Foxy-face, but he wants to now! And he can’t if Foxy-face dies! Big-Breasts and Izurun don’t want him to die and I don’t either! Hey, Hisa-Hisa, are you going to help?”

Hisagi looked at his tiny reflection in her big expectant eyes before glancing down and shifting his weight from foot to foot. “I... I consider Rangiku-san and Kira my friends...so if this is what they really want to do, then I guess I will.”

_Over waves and deep in the blue_

_I will give up my heart for you_

_Ten long years I’ll wait to go by_

_My love will never die..._

Hitsugaya Toshiro walked briskly into the 8th Squad’s office, his expression as severe as usual.

Only Nanao was working in there, something he was glad for. Not that that was entirely unusual, but whenever he visited, Captain Kyoraku would try to convince him to have a drink. And when he refused, candy was offered next, no doubt an influence of Captain Ukitake.

If Nanao could influence Rangiku to be as hardworking.

“Hitsugaya-taicho! How may I help you?” 

“Just get Kyoraku-taicho to sign these.” Hitsugaya put them on the desk and then paused, scrutinizing Nanao’s face. “Worried about Matsumoto?”

“...Yes.” The lieutenant fixed a frown on the papers in front of her. “Ichimaru... caused her a lot of pain. I support her, but I still think he is manipulative, sadistic, dishonest and no good for her.”

Hitsugaya, noticing she did not call him a traitor, asked, “You don’t think Kira made up the idea of Ichimaru being against Aizen from the start, Ise-fukutaicho?” 

Nanao pushed her glasses up her nose and contemplated her answer. “I haven’t excluded the possibility. However, when you battled Ichimaru before Aizen’s deception was revealed, Hinamori-kun was targeted, wasn’t she?”

The captain’s lip curled. “Yes.”

How _dare_ he point his accursed sword at her while she was unconscious and grin when she was screaming and crying in pain. Hitsugaya hated him for that.

“So it is possible that, since Aizen himself wrote that letter and caused the incident, Aizen intended for Hinamori-kun to die one way or another. Which means, if fighting you didn’t do the job, then it was up to Ichimaru to kill her.”

Hitsugaya stared at Nanao, eyes wide and unnaturally still. “Are you saying that Ichimaru defied that order because Matsumoto was there?”

“Like I said, it is possible. Ichimaru could’ve easily broken Haineko, but he did not. He withdrew.”

Toshiro crossed his arms, his frown deepening. Now that he thought about it... Aizen must have anticipated Hinamori’s death, putting them up against each other.

Oh, no. He did not like this feeling.

On one hand, Ichimaru didn’t break Haineko and did not hurt Matsumoto. On the other hand, he tried to kill Hinamori. But he was the one to get rid of Aizen, and Aizen tried to kill Hinamori twice.

Toshiro scowled. Couldn’t anything be simple?

_Come, my love_

_Be one with the sea_

_Rule with me for eternity_

_Drown all dreams so mercilessly_

_And leave their souls to me..._

Rangiku hummed a haunting but sweet lullaby Orihime had played for her when she crashed at her place in the Living World as she made her way towards the 10th Squad barracks.

“There she is,” someone murmured as she passed. “I can’t believe she’s standing up for that filthy bastard.”

Rangiku stopped in her tracks. 

“So it is true?”

“Man, she’s hot but she’s dumber than she looks. The grapevine says she actually cried over him in the fake Karakura town.”

“I hope the freak is executed. At least Aizen was a great captain, but this guy? He should die in the trash where he came from.”

No sooner did the man say that did a fist ram into his face and proceeded to grab him by his front to throw him at his fellow gossipers, sending them all tumbling on their behinds.

“Aizen,” Rangiku said, “ _played_ the role of a great captain. In reality, he did not deserve to even touch that haori. Which makes all of you all the more pitiful for calling him great. As for Ichimaru,” Rangiku towered over them and they could not help but shrink back.

What was most frightening was that she was perfectly calm and in control. Her eyes fixed on them like a cat watching rabbits dart about below. She owned herself; she knew her power and she governed her emotions. 

“Speak of him however you like, but do not speak as if you know who he is. Judge me, but do not presume to compliment me at the same time. I will stand up for whoever I please, and if I hear you speak that way again, I’ll throw _you_ in the trash because that is where you’ll _belong_.” 

Rangiku then turned to continue on her way, resolving not to let their words bother her. As difficult as it was to hear, what they were saying was justified.

Yes, he was a lying bastard, she knew that better than anyone. But he was still Gin. 

_Play the song you sang long ago_

_And wherever the storm may blow_

_You will find the key to my heart_

_We’ll never be apart_

Two more days until the execution. Then he dies with his secrets. Rangiku wished to Kami that he would say something, anything, to explain himself.

She hated his secrets. She hated that he smiled when he lied to her. She hated that from the moment he decided to become a shinigami, she had lost him. He pulled farther and farther away until he was cloaked in Hueco Mundo white and drawing his sword against her, on the other side while her friends' blood colored the ground. 

But she did not hate that she still cared about him. A good friend - that was a trait of hers she liked about herself. And Gin was more than just any friend. 

Whatever future they could have had, she let it go, hoping and wanting that in the future they had now, there was him somewhere in it.

She hated him, but she loved him.

_Wild and strong, you can’t be contained_

_Never bound nor ever chained_

_Wounds you caused will never mend_

_And you will never end..._

Kira took a deep breath as he wrung his hands and stared at the door. I can do this, he told himself. I can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/n_LApFnTfP8  
> Highly recommend you listen to this sweet song so the italicized words make sense
> 
> Sorry the story is moving slow. I promise it'll pick up soon!


	7. Truth and Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I get the feeling whatever I'm writing is crap, but what the hell right?

“Hello Captain.”

Kira swallowed. Now that he was actually here facing his captain, he felt hopelessly insecure.

Adrenaline rushed through his body just standing here, knowing whatever his captain may say could make him cry tears of happiness or smash his head into the wall, as it was when Kira was the one behind bars.

But this was his last chance to speak to him. Because tomorrow at dawn, his captain’s soul would be extinguished by the Sokyoku.

The very thought of it made Kira feel like his heart was going to break.

“How ya doin’ Izuru?” Spoken with such a cordial tone, as if nothing had changed.

“C-Captain...”

Gin tsked. “Still calling me ‘Captain’? Ya sure are pathetic, Izuru.”

Kira flinched, but what had he expected? Gin never was one to pull his punches. 

“Why don’t you say anything?”

“You mean go along with that noble fairytale ya came up with?”

Kira gritted his teeth, although his expression remained the same. “Why is it so wrong to want to save you?”

Maybe Kira was utterly devoted to his captain. Maybe he didn’t care at all about the pain the snake so easily inflicted.

But he had resolved not to lie about anything ever since the first drink with Rangiku.

Gin heaved a fake sigh. “You’re really stuck on me, aren’t ya?”

The silver snake stepped closer to the edge of the barrier. “If I told ya that I’m glad I had ya fer a subordinate or that I’m proud o’ ya, would you feel better...Izuru?”

Kira froze, his eye wide as those treacherous lips parted.

“Don’t hold yer breath. I ain’t ever gonna give ya that just ’cause you weren’t good enough fer me.”

His voice slithering in Kira’s brain.

“You are always so hopeful fer a treat, you always do yer best. But ya ain’t strong like Abarai-kun, or a good friend like Hisagi-kun, or useful like Ise-chan. Really, Izuru, have ya seen yerself? Ya are weak, always have been, always will. Look at ya...still crawlin’ back ta me. Poor poor Izuru.”

The poison sought out his heart.

When Kira was first assigned to Gin’s lieutenant, whenever the latter had said his name, Kira immediately got the urge to run the hell away. 

Just like he wanted to now.

His Academy days came to mind, when Aizen and Gin, who was a lieutenant then, saved him, Renji, Hisagi, and Hinamori from being devoured by huge Hollows during a training incident. 

Even then everyone loved Aizen.

But Gin was the one Kira noticed. He was everything Kira wasn’t: powerful, confident, deadly.

That incident, they were running for their lives, Kira was screaming with fear.

Run, run, and run. That is all Kira has ever done.

“You’re right. I do want you to say that you’re proud of me. Because you never have.” 

But that was precisely why Kira tried so hard! He didn’t want someone like Aizen who’d so easily pat him on the head.

If Gin, whose rare commendation always sounded sarcastic, truly praised him, well then he must have earned it, right? 

However, in that heart-wrenching moment, Kira resigned himself to the reality that all his struggling had been in vain because he was never going to get it.

But he forced himself to push that revelation aside for the moment because it wasn’t what he had come here for.

“Even if I didn’t want to save you, I would try anyway for Rangiku-san’s sake. That is where you are wrong - I am a good friend. After all I have always let you hurt me... Captain, me I could understand, but Rangiku-san... You are not fooling her. You can say whatever you want to say, we are still going to fight for your stubborn ass. Stupid or not, that is what our hearts command we do.”

There was a pause. 

He was beginning to think there wasn’t going to be a response when Gin said, “Seems ya did learn something new while I was away. Ya never swore at me before.” 

“Since you approve, I’ll be sure to keep doing it.”

“Ahh, that’s not very nice.”

“I learned from the best.” 

“Ya break my heart!” 

“What heart?” Kira said flatly.

Gin’s mouth morphed into a wide grin, sending a shiver down Kira’s spine. “If ya can’t handle the thought of me dyin’... Want me ta break ya?”

That night, Gin lay thinking about his impending death.

He had gotten so used to the idea of death, been so surrounded by it that it didn’t scare him. How many times had he thought Aizen somehow saw through him and proceed to run him through? 

He wondered if being executed by the Sokyoku would be painless, or would he have enough time to feel his soul being burned away? 

Would she be there? She had always seen him in a way no one else did. But as much as he loved that about her, it was part of the problem.

_If only ya could hate me._

_I guess I’ll just have to settle with yer friends bein’ there fer ya after I’m gone._

He had long let go of any hope of falling into peaceful sleep by her side while the snow fell outside, ever since teaming up with Aizen. 

He wasn’t about to start now.

* * *

The first thing Gin registered the next morning was the barrier shattering into a thousand orange shards. 

The second thing was the formidable binding spells that stopped him from moving an inch.

Personally Gin thought it was a bit excessive. They had already sealed his reiatsu to the point where his body could barely heal itself. What if he had an itch?

Judging by the dark looks, he doubted any of them would say yes to scratching his nose.

Captains Soi Fon and Unohana accompanied the Kido Corp specialists as well as a number of Onmitsukido soldiers as they began the transfer. 

When he stepped outside, Gin lifted his head up to the sky. So very blue. Not quite the color of her eyes, but it would do for the last thing he’d ever see. 

His lungs breathed the fresh air in, never wanting to stop living.

The wind lifted and dropped his silver shaggy hair, bringing with it all the smells of life.

The fleeting petal of a cherry blossom drifted past. 

_I am going to die._

The thought had not bothered him last night, but now, standing out here with the sun shining down, Gin couldn’t deny the hint of regret inside. 

_Rangiku._

He wished he did not have to push her away. He wished so much that she would hate him, then he could reach for her all he wanted and she would still be okay after his death. 

But that wasn’t so. No, Gin did what he had to. Rangiku would be okay, and as time passed, Izuru too would get over his death. 

Gin then abruptly realized the direction he was being taken: Sokyoku Hill.

_Not even gonna bother with Central 46?_

Now that was a surprise. They must have decided that he was much too dangerous to live, perhaps that he had killed Aizen to take the latter’s place, and to allow him a trial would only be allowing for a opportunity for his silver tongue to be put to use.

He and his escort started the climb up to the top. From here, Gin could see a bit of the Rukongai. 

It hadn’t been an easy life, but that was where his most treasured memories were. Those times when it was just him and Rangiku, no secrets, no complications, no Seireitei and no Soul Reapers. 

The Rukon district. Their derelict shack.

Sitting on the floor.

_“Don’t ever go back there Gin.”_

She had not said a word since he came back up until then. 

She simply rinsed the blood off his face with water from the river and wrapped his wounds in scraps of mismatched bits of fabric. 

_“But those trash cans are the best.” Gin said._

He was still smiling even though she knew it hurt. 

_“We’ll find something else,” she wrapped a piece of old cloth around his wrist, where red adorned his pale skin._

They were just too small to do anything against the gang of teenagers. 

_“I’ll slip past ’em at night next time. It’s fine—”_

_“No it’s not! It’s not fine!” The smile of Gin’s dropped. Rangiku never raised her voice._

_The little girl’s head was bent forward, hiding her face. But he could tell all he needed to know from the sad curve of her back._

_“I don’t care if we have to eat rats. Just don’t get hurt anymore.” Her hands trembled but her voice stayed strong. “_ _We don’t exist to the rest of the world, but to me, you_ are _half the world.”_

_You are the same to me, he thought, but did not say. I’ll never let anything like that happen to ya again._

_She went on. “If you go back there again, I’ll—I’ll follow you and get beat up too.”_

_Surprise and sadness appeared on Gin’s round baby face. “Rangiku. Please don’t do that. I... I just wanna take care o’ ya.”_

_“I wanna take care o’ ya,” he repeated, “An’_ _I don’t mind gettin’ beat up like this.”_

_She was so small. Small hands, small scrawny body, small voice._

_They both were so small._

_Gin wondered, would anyone notice if they disappeared? Would the gang of big teenagers who hung out by the trash cans ever ask themselves where the kid with silver hair went?_

_He wondered, but he knew the answers._

_The shop vendor across the street just stood there and watched as he was kicked and shoved into the dirt for trying to snitch rotting leftovers._

_It didn’t hurt. That was simply their insignificant place in the world._

_“Gin. You are always taking care of me. But who is taking care of you?”_

_“Mama did.” He answered simply. “She loved me so much, I think that love is ’nough to last me a lifetime. So don’t worry ’bout me Rangiku.”_

_He pulled her into a hug._

_“I’ll always be here.”_

A childish promise he should not have made. 

An unintentional lie because a few months later, he would leave with the uniform of a shinigami and blood on his face.

Gin raised his head to the great blade gleaming in the sky.

_I really am sorry, Rangiku. But it is better this way. I did it. Aizen is gone. I avenged ya. I'm alright with dyin’._

In a blast of wind, the Sokyoku was released. His limbs were free once again as the Bakudo spells were retracted.

At least he had a view up here. 

All those present included Captains Yamamoto, Kurotsuchi, Komamura, Soi Fon and Unohana, as well as Lieutenants Hisagi and Hinamori. 

Gin swept his eyes over the audience, pausing once on the two lieutenants. 

_Not gonna show up Rangiku?_

Maybe he had pissed her off more than he had realized, but he definitely thought she’d be here. What a disappointment.

Izuru was not here either, but that wasn’t entirely unexpected. Judging by Hisagi’s glare, after their conversation yesterday, Izuru was probably huddled in a dark corner crying his eyes out. 

As for the absence of Kenpachi, Kuchiki, Hitsugaya, Kyoraku, and Ukitake, Gin did not have much of an idea, but briefly amused himself with the thought of being offended.

He had only betrayed the Soul Society, turned on Aizen and stopped him. What else did he have to do to make attending his execution worthwhile, dye the captain commander’s hair and beard pink? Run butt naked through the Seireitei? Tear off every bit of clothing on Captain Kuchiki’s person in a flash step before everyone?

“Ichimaru Gin,” Yamamoto declared gruffly. “Are there any last words you would like to say?” 

_I wish Rangiku were here._

_Burn the persimmon trees in the 3rd Division to the ground so there is nothing left of me._

_Do your best to make her hate me._

Gin lifted his head to the sky. The clouds drifted slowly, serenely by. 

“No.”

“Very well. Proceed with the—”

“Yamamoto-sotaicho!”

The man kneeling there was a member of the Onmitsukido’s fifth branch, the Inner Court Troops - masters of shunpo who delivered secret and urgent messages.

Gin always thought their folded-paper-looking half-masks were rather funny, but what were they doing here at a time like this? 

Apparently Yamamoto thought the same as he cracked open one eye. “ _What_?”

“My very deepest apologies! I have an urgent message from Soi Fon-taicho and Kuchiki-taicho! They request your presence at once! There has been a development in which new information is available!”

“Now?”

“Yes sir! They say it is imperative that you hear it before proceeding!”

The captain commander sighed reproachfully.

“Fine. This execution is postponed.”

Gin blinked in surprise for the second time as the Kido Corps bound his hands together again and prepared to move him back to Division 4.

“Just a moment,” Captain Unohana interjected, stepping forward. “Instead of taking Ichimaru back to his cell, bring him to Division 1.”

“But the prisoner—”

She smiled, effectively summoning a certain amount of sweat from them.

“Of course, Unohana-taicho!”

“Thank you. Be rest assured that with all these captains around, he will be well-guarded.”

Gin’s own smile widened a bit. He could only imagine what he would have said to Rangiku: _Excuse me, you’re interruptin’ my moment._

It really was bizarre. 

What new information could there possibly be that would change the minds of the new Central 46?

 _I’ll find out soon enough._


End file.
